Midnight Crisis
by angelodicielo
Summary: It's 2am and Pacifica's anxiety gets to her


Being awake in the middle of the night in a house that's empty except for yourself can be anxious on its own. But Pacifica lay in bed at 2am, not able to fall asleep, lost in her thoughts. She tried going to sleep, but all she could think about was how much she missed her boyfriend who was away for work for the next two weeks. She thought about how much she missed him sleeping next to her and how he'd stay up some nights and annoyingly make comments to himself about the book he was reading and click his pens continuously.

Okay, so she didn't miss that exact part, but she missed other things and his laugh and kisses and general company. This wasn't the longest time they ever spent apart, but after growing accustomed to him being around every day and night, it was hard to get back into the routine of being alone. She tried adjusting herself in different sleeping positions, but changed them every time her thoughts progressed into "What if" scenarios.

 _What if Dipper got seriously hurt and I didn't know until it was too late? What if I just stayed in Gravity Falls for him? What if we hadn't started dating at all? What if I didn't stay his friend after the mansion incident? What if we hadn't met at all?!_

Over and over, her thoughts cycled with these questions, some playing out the answers in dark ways that she desperately wanted to shake away and ignore.

 _If Dipper didn't come to Gravity Falls that summer, everyone in that mansion would've died. If I didn't go to that party and meet Mabel, I wouldn't have met Dipper and we probably wouldn't be together. If the ghost didn't haunt the mansion, we would've still hated each other. If we still hated each other, he would be with someone else. If he was with someone else, I would probably be with someone else. Or alone. If I was alone, I wouldn't be in this city. I wouldn't be working with Mabel. I'd be a completely different person. Would I even be happy? I probably would. But am I happy because of Dipper? Is Dipper that important to me? Wait, of course he is! I love him and he loves me. But if we weren't dating, he'd be in love with someone else. Would he be as in love with them? Is love that easily interchangeable and replaceable? Could he stop loving me and find someone else? He could, couldn't he. So could I. But I wouldn't. But I could._

She opened her eyes, more surprised at how suddenly, just like that, she was once again a helpless little thing in the world and her anxiety made it seem more important that it was. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that if one thing was changed when they were kids, they wouldn't be where they were now. In Dipper's case, he was in Gravity Falls again, probably asleep right now while his once spoiled heiress girlfriend scrolled through her phone for his name to call him.

The vibration shook his phone against his nightstand, interrupting his sleep. Against wanting to, he answered the phone, hoping it was worth the call at this late from whoever's name was shining too brightly on the screen to read.

"Hello?" He said with grogginess in his tone.

"Dipper...why are you dating me?" He heard the distressed, girlish tone in the speaker and knew exactly who it was.

"Pacifica..." He rubbed his eyes, slightly angry with her nonsense. "Paz, it's the middle of the night. Go to bed."

"I just wanna know."

He signed, trying to get some thoughts flowing without passing out. "Um...well...I like you. You're pretty and nice and smart and-"

"But when did you realize you liked me?"

Dipper blinked, not enjoying this conversation at all. "I don't know...after high school. In high school...I don't remember. Why are calling me about this?"

"I was thinking: you could've easily not dated me or liked me and we could be living a completely different life-separately. You could be dating some redhead and live in Gravity Falls with her and she could have really dry skin and live in a cabin. But for some reason you're dating me and we didn't even like each other at first and then I asked for you're help and then we were friends..."

Dipper could hardly keep up with this latest existential crisis. He never really thought about it-especially this late at night and then call someone about it.

"Dipper?"

The voice broke him of his processing of her words.

"Well...I...I never really thought about it. I mean, when you put it like that, it is weird to think about what I could be doing now. Like getting a good night's sleep because that redhead wouldn't call me about this." He tried to laugh it off, but didn't get a response out of her. "Paz, I don't really know what you want me to say. I mean, you're my girlfriend and I love you and that's just the way it is now. I don't want to be dating someone else and I can't really think about it being any other way."

"I just wanna know what changed your mind about me."

Dipper thought. He knew he noticed it before, but he hadn't thought about it in a long time. If he had to pick, it would be probably be the first time she hugged him. It was the first time he had seen her show gratitude towards another person and he wasn't expecting it. After that, he felt...he felt like she was just another kid like him. They were, in that moment, equals to one another. They were friends.

"Remember when you hugged me when we were kids and then tried to pay me to forget it happened?"

"Yeah."

"That's probably why I'm dating you now."

Pacifica didn't reply. On the other end of the phone, she burrowed her face in to her pillow, replaying the scene in her head, trying to remember every details she could. The relief and happiness she felt, the smell of Dipper that was sweat and a bit of deodorant he probably put on hoping it'd mask the fact he hasn't showered in days, the few seconds she felt like the world had stopped because her instinct to show gratitude was with something that personal and intimate, and course, the embarrassment afterwards when she realized the world had in fact not stopped and he was still a boy who probably thought she was a spoiled brat and didn't like her. Had that one single moment not happened, if she had just shook off his work with a thank you and handshake like he was expecting, they wouldn't be having this conversation.

Pacifica lifted her head from her pillow, smiling to herself. "Well I'm glad I couldn't pay you to pretend it didn't happen."

There wasn't a response. Pacifica waited to hear him at least chuckle, but truthfully, Dipper had fallen asleep again. He didn't hear his name being called on the phone as the call continued on or Pacifica's last words before hanging up.

"Oh you probably feel asleep again. I'm sorry I woke you up for this, but I love you. Very much. So please don't leave me for a redhead with bad skin and a cabin."

Comfortable once again in her bed, Pacifica's mind started to doze off into her dreams, the memory of Dipper and her replaying again and again.


End file.
